Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
