dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
