I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
