I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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