Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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