pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
