So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize