I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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