i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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