Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Randomize
