She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
