I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
