I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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