Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
