you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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