I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
