yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
