one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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