I want to have your abortion
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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