Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize