yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
