I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
