omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
