You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
