i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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