dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize