I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
