hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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