I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
