My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
