Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
