My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
