You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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