last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
