it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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