a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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