Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
