and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
