Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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