i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
