the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
