i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
