Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
