carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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