she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
a search helicopter?!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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