I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
