so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize