apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
