I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
