Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
