1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
