Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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