cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
