i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
