the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
