it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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