as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
