forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize