i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
