I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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