so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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