I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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