dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize