apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
