I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
