I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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