Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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