you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
