yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
