are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
