That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
