I smell stomach acid.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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