just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
