I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
