In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
