She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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