I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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