Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
