got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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