I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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