She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
