the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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