it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
