ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
