Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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