your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
