Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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