Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
