I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
